How To Get Through Toddler Tantrums with these 10 tips

Toddler tantrums are a common and natural part of child development, but they can also be quite stressful for parents or caregivers. Keep reading to find out ten ways to decrease toddler tantrums and make life a little easier for everyone involved.

Has your child ever thrown a fit when you told them they couldn’t have a snack, they didn’t want to take a bath, or it was a Tuesday so why not?

Of course your child has, because EVERY child has.

That doesn’t make it easier, or less stressful but maybe you’re like me and find some solace knowing you’re not the only one dealing with this.

Let’s all be on the struggle bus together!

Summer 2023 has come and gone, and it is now the holiday season.

For the last couple of months I have been transitioning into a toddler mom. Somehow my newborn is now a walking little boy with a lot to say.

And, girl..

We are in the TRENCHES

There has to be some science behind the overnight change when your child turns 12 months. All of a sudden they are using their voice, running around, have an opinion on everything, and are expressing those big emotions.

Example: My son fell out today because I wouldn’t let him eat his wipes.

What an exciting time, am I right?

Long story short, this mama is STRESSED

I figured I’m not the only one who is trying to navigate toddler life in a positive way while simultaneously trying not to mom rage on everyone in their path.

So here are a few strategies I have been using with my 14 month old.

It’s never going to be an exact science, but I hope you find this useful!

Stick to a routine:

Establishing a regular routine for meals, naps, playtime, and bedtime can help toddlers feel more secure and less likely to have tantrums.

Toddlers have an internal clock, so creating a routine will be very helpful. I quickly realized while being a stay at home that a routine was going to be my best friend. And, now that my son is a toddler with big emotions having a daily schedule is necessary.

For his happiness, and my sanity.

Give choices:

Letting toddlers make choices within limits (such as choosing between two outfits or two snacks) can help them feel more independent and less frustrated.

Giving them the freedom to use their voice for small decisions throughout the day will help increase confidence, and autonomy.

Use positive language:

Instead of saying “no” or “don’t,” try using positive language like “let’s do this instead” or “how about we try this?”

It would be very frustrating to constantly hear all the things you’re not allowed to do.

Bringing attention to what they cant do will just make them focus on it more.

Try giving them options that are available to them instead!

Validate feelings:

When a toddler is upset, acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you understand how they feel. This can help them feel heard and less likely to have a tantrum.

What they’re feeling is important, and they are looking to you to help them navigate these emotions properly.

Being dismissive, inattentive, and invalidating is not going to give you the behaviors you want to see.

Remember: Treat your children like human beings

Provide a distraction:

Sometimes a simple distraction (like a toy or a change of scenery) can help redirect a toddler’s attention and prevent a tantrum.

Toddlers love to fixate. Especially if you’re removing access to the item they want.

Changing their environment will help their mind focus on something else – most of the time it’s “out of sight out of mind” so distracting them shouldn’t be too hard!

Teach coping skills:

Help toddlers learn how to cope with their emotions by teaching deep breathing, counting to ten, or using a calm-down corner.

We all have big emotions, so expecting a child to know how to handle theirs without our help is just wrong.

Deep breathing exercises, talking them through it, or even sitting with them while they have a rough time is impactful.

Please do not just send them to their room until they stop crying.

That cuts off communication and connection, and says “I don’t want to be around you when you’re like this” instead of “I want to be around you even when you’re having a hard time, let’s work through this together”

Two completely different approaches, right?

Our children are looking to us to help them work through these things. Once we give them the tools they’ll know how to use them as they grow older.

Another helpful resource is positiveparentingsolutions.com

They have a FREE 7 day online course that will give you the tools you need!

Offer praise:

When toddlers behave well, offer plenty of praise and positive reinforcement to encourage them to continue making good choices.

As a behavior therapist, I agree with this a million times over. Positive reinforcement is ridiculously effective.

Children love when adults make a big deal out of something.

My 14 month old has a new thing where he helps cleans up, and I make sure I turn that into the biggest deal.

What may be small to us could mean the world to them so next time they eat all their food, or put their toys away let them know how excited you are.

I’m sure we all spend a crazy amount of time per day entertaining our children by any means necessary anyways, so this should be a piece of cake.

– when in doubt, trust behavior patterns! –

Be consistent:

Consistency is key when it comes to decreasing tantrums. Stick to your rules and routines as much as possible to help toddlers feel more secure.

I know how difficult it can be to stay consistent, but it’s so important. If you said yes to a cookie before dinner yesterday, but say no today be prepared for a possible meltdown.

Often times we don’t realize how many arbitrary guidelines we follow on a day to day.

Toddlers rely on routines and patterns, so they’ll pick up on it whether it’s intentional or not.

It’s not always going to work, but doing your best to stay consistent will pay off.

Take care of yourself:

Parenting can be stressful, so make sure to take care of yourself too. Get enough sleep, eat well, and make time for self-care activities.

Easier said than done, whew.

It’s struggle bus central over here sometimes.

There are days where I have showered, done my skincare, moisturized, and am dressed by 8:30 am.

Other days I haven’t showered and am still in my pajamas at 4pm.

I don’t know why, but there is usually NO in between for me – so sneak in what you can, when you can!

Getting dressed for the day even if we have no plans to leave helps my mental health so much.

If you’re looking for ideas check out my post on self-care for moms.

It has been a game-changer.

Stay calm:

Finally, remember to stay calm and patient when dealing with toddler tantrums. Taking a deep breath and staying calm can help diffuse the situation and prevent it from escalating.

When I became a mom I quickly realized how triggering children can be.

The overwhelming, over stimulating, touched-out feeling is hard to shake in the beginning. These frustrations in motherhood evolve alongside your child so it’s important to know when you need to take a break.

In order to help our children we need to help ourselves. Trying to handle your screaming toddler while you’re also dysregulated is a recipe for disaster, and will leave both of you feeling worse.

Approach the situation as calmly as possible and don’t beat yourself up If you lose your cool sometimes.

Parenting is not always sunshine and rainbows, its really hard work, but, you can do this.

From one toddler mom to another: I see you, and the effort you’re putting in does make a difference.

Now, go enjoy that cup of coffee and watch an episode of your favorite show when your toddler is taking a nap – you deserve it.