10 Things Every New Mom Should Know

If you’re here that means you’re where I was only a handful of months ago- a first-time mom to a tiny little human. Can you believe that there was actually a person in you that whole time?

It’s still pretty unbelievable to me that I’m someone’s mom.

So you’re probably feeling pretty overwhelmed now that your baby is here & you have to take them home. Maybe you have some experience with babies, or maybe you don’t have a clue what you’re doing.

Regardless, this is the post for you.

I have 20 years of experience with babies (shoutout to the 14-year age gap my big sister and I have) – my nieces and nephews. But even though it’s similar, it’s soooo not the same.

I’m here to tell you what I learned during the newborn stage with my son. I want to help all the new moms out there; maybe you’re struggling, maybe you’re looking for reassurance that you’re doing the right thing- whatever the case may be this list will be helpful to you, trust me.

You can also check out my post on newborn must-haves down below!

I’m happy to share what I know now, it’s difficult enough being responsible for a whole other life, we don’t need to keep all our secrets to ourselves.

Contact nap as much as YOU want

You only have a newborn for 8 weeks. They will NEVER be this little again. I know 8 weeks seems like a long time when you’re sleep-deprived, but time couldn’t be moving faster in reality. I swear it feels like I just had my baby, and he’s almost 5 months.

Soak up all those cuddles, the laundry can wait.

You can’t spoil a baby

Our babies are biologically wired to need us, and words aren’t yet in their vocabulary, so they are going to cry for you. A lot. Babies also cannot manipulate people (I don’t know why some people even say this), so picking up your crying baby when there is “nothing wrong” is perfectly okay.

Studies show this creates secure attachment. If you’re always there when they need you, they won’t worry if you’ll be there as they grow older!

Making sure your baby is fed is more important than HOW they are fed

We all know the debate, and let’s be honest; there is WAY too much mom-shaming when it comes to this topic. You’re selfish if you use formula, you’re selfish if you breastfeed because no one else can feed and connect with the baby- the list goes on.

Honestly, do what is best for you and your baby will reap the benefits of a happy mom. I ebf (exclusively breastfeed) and it is h a r d. I’m trying to make it to at least 6 months, but if my mental health starts to decline because of it that won’t be happening. It’s not the “right” decision for every mom.

Whether you’re ebf, pumping, formula feeding, or a mixture I personally believe that a fed baby is all that matters. But, do your research and make the decision that is best for YOU.

Your baby will be able to sleep on their own

Picture this: you’re scrolling social media and you come across the 3^rd video that day about sleep training and how your 3-month-old should be sleeping 10-12 hours a night. Now you start overthinking and you obsess over if you’re giving them enough independence to self-soothe and sleep throughout the night without you. Stop right there. Your baby is fine. Every baby is different, and that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. They won’t sleep in your bed or your room forever.

I would also like to mention that breastfed babies wake up more frequently throughout the night because breastmilk travels through their system faster!

They are supposed to be getting up to eat, so don’t you worry mama.

Establish boundaries and stand firm

This is a BIG one. Many of us will experience this during postpartum. Once you have a baby you may notice that there are people in your life that feel entitled to your child. I strongly believe that the first days and weeks are for the mom to bond with her baby; the parents to be with their new little one. Boundaries aren’t created to hurt anyone, but to make sure you’re being respected. And, if there are people in your life that have a problem with your boundaries?

Well, they are kind of proving why you set them in the first place, aren’t they?

Take advice (especially unsolicited) with a grain of salt

Everyone. Literally, everyone is going to have something to say to you about your new baby. “I did this” “Back in my day” “What you should do is” I want to be clear that it’s not all bad! There is a lot of advice I’ve gotten that I appreciate, and I enjoy talking with certain people.

BUT,

sometimes you’re going to get advice that no one asked for. Honestly, it can get very annoying, even if they meant no harm by it. I’ve learned to pick and choose what I listen to, and ultimately do what I want as a mom. The maternal instinct kicks in, I promise.

No one knows what is better for your baby more than you.

Your feelings after birth are valid

Labor/delivery is on a different planet of intensity. Like, I can’t put it into words. Your body just went through so much to bring your baby earthside, and the hormones and feelings attached to that are probably going to hit you like a truck.

If you don’t want anyone to come to the hospital, that’s fine. If you don’t want anyone to visit until your baby is 6 weeks old, that’s cool too. Whatever you decide should be respected. Everyone in your life should be doing what they can to make this transition as stress-free as possible.

Caring for your newborn is all-consuming, the last thing you need is to coddle adults who are trying to make it about them.

PPD, PPA, & mom rage is real. Give yourself grace

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING could have prepared me for these postpartum feelings. I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 4+ months, and I’m not sure when I’ll be getting off. I will say I am grateful to not have experienced postpartum depression, but I already dealt with anxiety way before pregnancy, and it multiplied by 100 (not even kidding.)

My son has always been a great sleeper, especially as a newborn, but there was no way I could sleep when he slept. I was too anxious about so many things- some irrational, some pretty rational.

What I wasn’t expecting at all was this thing called “mom rage” – I go from 0 to 100 at the drop of a hat.

I ebf (exclusively breastfeed) so during the night I am responsible for feedings. My husband still wakes up with me and is extremely supportive. One night I told him that he can go back to sleep because he couldn’t help with anything at the time, and as soon as he started to snore I got so angry.

That’s one of the many examples I have, and I’m still learning how to navigate this road. It’s easy to get caught up in these overwhelming emotions, you’re not alone!

The advice I have is to take some deep breaths and try to find some time to do something for yourself. Simply taking a shower and doing my hair feels like a reset to me. If we’re not careful we will overlook ourselves every day, and that does not help the 3 things I mentioned above.

To be the best mom you can be caring for yourself is a priority, not a suggestion.

Do not compare your baby to others

Your baby will sit up, crawl, walk, talk, etc all at their own pace. Every baby develops at different speeds, comparing will only make you worry about things for no reason.

If you’re doing your best, you are giving them everything they need to develop beautifully.

Your relationship with your partner is going to change, but it can be even better than before if you work through it

I’ve been with my husband for 11 years, so for us to go from being adults that can do whatever, whenever; to new parents that have to schedule our lives around our son’s feeding and nap time.. it’s a shock to the system.

We love our baby more than anything, but I’m not going to say that it isn’t hard or upsetting sometimes. After a long day, we always looked forward to eating dinner together and watching one of our favorite shows. We still do that; it just looks different now.

You both deserve grace during this period. I know how tough it is mama, and your partner is trying their best as well. My husband may not have carried or given birth to our son, but he has been in the trenches with me. That’s what a supportive partner does.

Don’t turn on each other, turn INTO each other during this time.

Your marriage will strengthen, and you will get that alone time back.

You are the mom your baby needs

Who else could have carried your baby for 9 months, and brought them into this world like a total badass? The fact that you worry if you’re being a good mom means you most certainly are.

Our babies don’t need us to be perfect.

They need us to change them, feed them, rock them to sleep- They need us to love them, unconditionally.

From one anxious mom to probably another, take a deep breath because you’re doing all of those things.

If we could see ourselves through their eyes all of our doubts would disappear.

Remember that when you’re awake at 3 am rocking them back to sleep, I’ll be thinking of you all as I do the same with mine.

Keep going, mama